photo credit here
Yesterday morning I had an early call with a colleague. He was taking the meeting from his home office and in the background, I heard his 2-year old boy making all kinds of noise and demanding daddy’s attention. My friend apologized for the disruption. “No worries”, I responded. “I am enjoying the sweetness of the moment.”
As a mother of sons, now “big boys,” I truly miss those early mornings with my little guys. They were all “ON” at that hour but no matter how much coffee I consumed, I was not. I too had to take early work calls from home sometimes and was always worried about the “professionalism.” Now, with hindsight 20/20, I realize how important those times were. When I would be on a call, Thing 1 would often insist on my attention and affirmation that he was more important than whatever I was doing on the phone.
I invariably would pull him onto my lap whilst cradling the phone with one hand and snuggling him with the other. I clearly remember holding those rotund baby legs tight to keep them from fidgeting. I could not help in reveling in the fact that those sweet little limbs were as soft and chunky as clotted cream. I also remember grieving when I noticed as Thing 1 grew I saw the disappearance of the baby fat. It meant that he was becoming a boy. Now, those legs are strong and muscular and he is well on his way to becoming a man. Big Sigh. Tempest fugit.
Back to yesterday – I was working from home myself and while in the midst of email mayhem, I had a few moments with Thing 1 to discuss the “Things that are on your list today,” e.g. the stuff I told him he had to get done.
This summer is all busyness as he has a million things to do in preparation for the college application process. He is stressing out…and he is not the only one. I too am feeling the strain…and in the midst of discussing the “list,” my mind was called back to my morning call…and the chirping giggling noise of my friend’s son…and I saw my big man-boy in a different light.
I stopped my haranguing and said to him, “I know I can be hard on you, son. I just don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. Things have come so easy for you – but now you need to really focus on your goal and get it done.” He looked at me directly and as the sun through the window flecked in his eyes I saw, just for a moment, my own 2-year old son looking back at me. Sigh again. My additional pressure on him may be pushing too hard. I stopped my own agenda (for once) and hugged him. I told this very special young man exactly what I thought of him, how thankful I am for him and my belief in who he is in God’s eyes and mine.
He hugged me big time. I cried a sour-sweet tear. Peace settled in and off he went to address one of those tasks.
It occurred to me, painfully, how often do I take the time to do that? When the kids are younglings, it is natural to just pour into their sweetness and cuteness – they need us so much and we catch them instinctually when they fall. As they get older and more independent – we tend to let them fly. As parents, we may forget that though they may look like adults – they are not. The pressures now are bigger and the fall is harder.
About this time next year, my boy man will be ready for college. He will go to the next phase of his life. I never ever want to be so distracted on “the lists, the musts or the need to do’s” that I miss even one precious moment of living with Thing 1 or Thing 2.
God chose them, He formed them to His specs, and filled each one of their “buckets,” in various measure with their talents and abilities to His plans and for His use. No amount of me pushing my agenda will ultimately change that. God will meet them where they are – every time. In the end, I am blessed to be their mother, confident in their goodness and strong hearts and minds, and convinced that God’s plan of action is better than mine by far. After all, God gives me assurance that:
6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you [my sons] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6
In the meantime, I will watch and revel as He writes the chapters for each of them… and I will always remember and appreciate the days of the chunky little clotted-cream thighs.